I am not even sad. More so, I am mad. I just don't get it. I know AF is not here and there still could be a chance, blah blah blah. I'm not holding my breath.
As each month passes I feel like I am becoming more aware that there is a real possibility this isn't going to happen for us. I am responding perfectly to femara, even on the lowest dose. My lining is perfect and DH's numbers are great. Maybe it's just not meant to be...
RE is going to want to move on to injectables. What I don't understand is that I responded to clomid and femara. How are injectable going to be any different? I am sure I will respond but how will it be any more effective to getting me pregnant? It's just going to cost a heck of a lot more.
My insurance is wonky too. They won't pay for anything once you get to IUI. Well, my first IUI cycle with RE we were able to sneak by and get trigger paid for. This cycle, they caught what it was being used for and it was denied. I assume they will deny my injects claims too. Although, they have paid for the femara.
What I am trying to say is, we don't have the money to pay out of pocket for injectables. We could put it on a credit card as we have done for the IUIs. I am already $900 in the hole.....
I just don't know what to do....Thinking about all of it just makes me angry.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
2WW of IUI #3
I keep forgetting to update my blog. Maybe I am just not cut out for the whole blogging thing...
I am in the 2WW for my 2nd IUI with Dr. Harper. Last IUI cycle was a bust.
Here's to hoping this is it!
I should know somwthing mid-next week.
I am in the 2WW for my 2nd IUI with Dr. Harper. Last IUI cycle was a bust.
Here's to hoping this is it!
I should know somwthing mid-next week.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Long Time.....Lots to Catch Up On!!
So, my last post was in February. Ooops!! A lot has happened since. Here goes! I hope your comfortable because it's about to get lengthy!!
Recap: February - I went for my first IUI. It was a failure. No baby....I was pretty crushed. I had really set myself up only to feel like someone pulled the rug out from under me. It wasn't a good time for me. Dr. Rushing said in the beginning that he would perform up to 3 IUI before referring me to the RE. I couldn't handle doing another and having it fail, so we decided that we needed to take a break and reassess.
We avoided Cycle 12. It was a breath of fresh air to not worry about TTC. I needed that break for my mental and emotional health. We had also decided to take it easy until the end of the summer (but as you will read that didn't happen) ;)
Once cycle 13 rolled around mid-March I was back on the train. I tried to take it a little less serious this time. No meds, no charting, no tests, etc. Just having fun!! And it was.....for a while but I am too much of a control freak to throw it all to the wind. That cycle ended and I was sad again. Still no baby.
Cycle 14...Here we were back to April where this all began a year earlier. We had come full circle and had nothing to show. That was pretty hard but we pressed on. This month would prove to be a booger. When I was on Clomid months prior, I could always tell when my body was gearing up to ovulate. I would get pains and twinges around my ovaries, becoming more intense up to ovulation. I was surprised when I began feeling this process begin as if I were on the medication, only it was my 3rd cycle OFF of it. Strange. As I got closer and closer to my perceived ovulation the pain become more and more intense. More so than anything I ever felt before. At times I was doubled over in pain, or laid up on the couch bloated and hurting so bad I didn't want to move. I thought my left ovary was going to explode. All of this happened over the weekend. So, first thing Monday morning I called the doctor's office and they got me in that afternoon. I thought I had ovulated over the weekend but was still pretty sore. This was not normal.
They brought me in for a vaginal ultrasound to show that I had a fairly large cyst on my left ovary. It also showed that I did, in fact, ovulate. Great and with NO MEDS!! But it hurt like crap!! Dr. Rushing suggested we go forward with a diagnostic laparoscopy to make sure there weren't further problems going on inside that might be prohibiting us from getting pregnant. I was up for anything at this point. I was so emotionally drained and begged for answers. He alluded to the possibility of endometriosis because I was showing many of the signs. The only way to know was surgery.
I have to say that this appointment was a turning point for me with my doctor. I have always liked and respected him but not as much until now. I was explaining to him how desperate I was feeling. I needed answers and I felt like a failure. As I was fighting back tears and trying to be strong he told me everything I needed to hear from him. He said, everything I am feeling and going through is so normal and he totally 'gets it'. There was many more words but I cannot remember now. What I remember that matters the most was the amount of care, concern and compassion he shared with me in the few moments. I really felt like we were on the same page and that he was listening to my concerns. I was in awe. I wanted to give him a hug but I refrained. I feel so lucky to have him as my doctor.
We scheduled my lap surgery for May 19th, after my period was supposed to show, just in case I was pregnant....ha.....I'm not that lucky! ;)
May 19th came after much nervousness and anxiety. I went in for surgery at The Surgery Center of Huntsville, great people!! They gave me some good drugs to help me relax and then they whisked me off. So thankful to have Matt by my side through it all. He's my rock. My surgery went well. I didn't have endo after all!! Great!! I did, however, have some scar tissue and my ovaries were stuck to my pelvis. Weird! How does that happen?? Dr. R said that was most likely what was causing my pain.
Recovery was pretty smooth. I was down for about a day but after that I was itching to get moving. The pain meds helped a lot too. ;) I had taken off the rest of the week after surgery so I had a good 5 days of healing.
2 weeks later I had my post-operation appointment. Incisions looked good, pain was gone. We missed ovulation but that's ok I suppose. (I say that now but I was an emotional wreck throwing a cycle away.) I needed to heal up. At my appointment we talked about what options I had left. There pretty much weren't any unless I was willing do continue on my own and I am not.
Dr. R referred me to Dr. Harper, the only (and supposedly best) RE in Huntsville. I knew this was coming and had toyed with the idea of going sooner but I wasn't ready, until now. It's still a lot to take in that we need medical intervention to get pregnant when we had it so easy with Lyla. I am beginning to accept it though.
I got a call that my first appointment and consultation with Dr. Harper would be JULY 28!!! My heart sank!! That was 8 weeks away!!! I had been pre-warned that it takes a long time to get in to see him, so I got over it pretty quick.
Well....................today I got a call from Dr. Harper's office that they had a cancellation!! My new appointment is June 8!!!!!!! That's next week!!! I am so excited!!!! Eeeeeeeek!! I look forward to talking to him and forming a plan. I am nervous but very excited to be on a more aggressive track now! As you can see, 'taking is easy' as I mentioned before isn't really happening!! Lol!! Summer is here and the ball is about to moving at full force!
If you made it this far, I am proud! I know that was a lot of reading!! I will update after my appointment next week!!
Recap: February - I went for my first IUI. It was a failure. No baby....I was pretty crushed. I had really set myself up only to feel like someone pulled the rug out from under me. It wasn't a good time for me. Dr. Rushing said in the beginning that he would perform up to 3 IUI before referring me to the RE. I couldn't handle doing another and having it fail, so we decided that we needed to take a break and reassess.
We avoided Cycle 12. It was a breath of fresh air to not worry about TTC. I needed that break for my mental and emotional health. We had also decided to take it easy until the end of the summer (but as you will read that didn't happen) ;)
Once cycle 13 rolled around mid-March I was back on the train. I tried to take it a little less serious this time. No meds, no charting, no tests, etc. Just having fun!! And it was.....for a while but I am too much of a control freak to throw it all to the wind. That cycle ended and I was sad again. Still no baby.
Cycle 14...Here we were back to April where this all began a year earlier. We had come full circle and had nothing to show. That was pretty hard but we pressed on. This month would prove to be a booger. When I was on Clomid months prior, I could always tell when my body was gearing up to ovulate. I would get pains and twinges around my ovaries, becoming more intense up to ovulation. I was surprised when I began feeling this process begin as if I were on the medication, only it was my 3rd cycle OFF of it. Strange. As I got closer and closer to my perceived ovulation the pain become more and more intense. More so than anything I ever felt before. At times I was doubled over in pain, or laid up on the couch bloated and hurting so bad I didn't want to move. I thought my left ovary was going to explode. All of this happened over the weekend. So, first thing Monday morning I called the doctor's office and they got me in that afternoon. I thought I had ovulated over the weekend but was still pretty sore. This was not normal.
They brought me in for a vaginal ultrasound to show that I had a fairly large cyst on my left ovary. It also showed that I did, in fact, ovulate. Great and with NO MEDS!! But it hurt like crap!! Dr. Rushing suggested we go forward with a diagnostic laparoscopy to make sure there weren't further problems going on inside that might be prohibiting us from getting pregnant. I was up for anything at this point. I was so emotionally drained and begged for answers. He alluded to the possibility of endometriosis because I was showing many of the signs. The only way to know was surgery.
I have to say that this appointment was a turning point for me with my doctor. I have always liked and respected him but not as much until now. I was explaining to him how desperate I was feeling. I needed answers and I felt like a failure. As I was fighting back tears and trying to be strong he told me everything I needed to hear from him. He said, everything I am feeling and going through is so normal and he totally 'gets it'. There was many more words but I cannot remember now. What I remember that matters the most was the amount of care, concern and compassion he shared with me in the few moments. I really felt like we were on the same page and that he was listening to my concerns. I was in awe. I wanted to give him a hug but I refrained. I feel so lucky to have him as my doctor.
We scheduled my lap surgery for May 19th, after my period was supposed to show, just in case I was pregnant....ha.....I'm not that lucky! ;)
May 19th came after much nervousness and anxiety. I went in for surgery at The Surgery Center of Huntsville, great people!! They gave me some good drugs to help me relax and then they whisked me off. So thankful to have Matt by my side through it all. He's my rock. My surgery went well. I didn't have endo after all!! Great!! I did, however, have some scar tissue and my ovaries were stuck to my pelvis. Weird! How does that happen?? Dr. R said that was most likely what was causing my pain.
Recovery was pretty smooth. I was down for about a day but after that I was itching to get moving. The pain meds helped a lot too. ;) I had taken off the rest of the week after surgery so I had a good 5 days of healing.
2 weeks later I had my post-operation appointment. Incisions looked good, pain was gone. We missed ovulation but that's ok I suppose. (I say that now but I was an emotional wreck throwing a cycle away.) I needed to heal up. At my appointment we talked about what options I had left. There pretty much weren't any unless I was willing do continue on my own and I am not.
Dr. R referred me to Dr. Harper, the only (and supposedly best) RE in Huntsville. I knew this was coming and had toyed with the idea of going sooner but I wasn't ready, until now. It's still a lot to take in that we need medical intervention to get pregnant when we had it so easy with Lyla. I am beginning to accept it though.
I got a call that my first appointment and consultation with Dr. Harper would be JULY 28!!! My heart sank!! That was 8 weeks away!!! I had been pre-warned that it takes a long time to get in to see him, so I got over it pretty quick.
Well....................today I got a call from Dr. Harper's office that they had a cancellation!! My new appointment is June 8!!!!!!! That's next week!!! I am so excited!!!! Eeeeeeeek!! I look forward to talking to him and forming a plan. I am nervous but very excited to be on a more aggressive track now! As you can see, 'taking is easy' as I mentioned before isn't really happening!! Lol!! Summer is here and the ball is about to moving at full force!
If you made it this far, I am proud! I know that was a lot of reading!! I will update after my appointment next week!!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Lucky?? I hope so...
The IUI went great. No problems what-so-ever. It was super fast.
Funny story...The doctor came all cheery in asking me if I felt 'lucky'?? Well, luck isn't quite the way I would describe my feeling at that moment. I was optimistic though. He got me thinking about a few things. Rain had been in my favor before and maybe it would be this time too.
Special Days it has rained on:
1. Our Wedding Day (was supposed to be an outdoor wedding)
2. Our 1st Anniversary
3. On the day Lyla was born
4. IUI - maybe it is 'luck'
We will know in 2 weeks! Stay tuned!
Funny story...The doctor came all cheery in asking me if I felt 'lucky'?? Well, luck isn't quite the way I would describe my feeling at that moment. I was optimistic though. He got me thinking about a few things. Rain had been in my favor before and maybe it would be this time too.
Special Days it has rained on:
1. Our Wedding Day (was supposed to be an outdoor wedding)
2. Our 1st Anniversary
3. On the day Lyla was born
4. IUI - maybe it is 'luck'
We will know in 2 weeks! Stay tuned!
All Smiles Today...
I got a + OPK this morning!! Finally!! It was so exciting to see that lil circle smiling back at me!!My IUI is scheduled for 3pm today!! I will update after. Please say a prayer. I know if it is meant to be it will happen.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Updates...
It's been a crazy week and a half. Matt had his SA done last Wednesday. The results came back great. The only slight concern was his count, which was 32.4 mil. Like the nurse said, it only takes one! They would have liked it to be 50-150 mil but no real worries.
Friday, we met with Dr. Rushing to talk about our options. He suspects that Clomid is helping me ovulate but hurting the 'environment' per se. Meaning, the sperm can't get through my cervix. He suggested we move on to IUI. Matt and I figured this was our next step, so it came to no real surprise. Thankfully, I was at the beginning of a new cycle so we don't have to wait. As soon as I get a + OPK I call the office and we will go in for the IUI that day or the next. Exciting!!!
Yesterday was a really tough day for me. February 3, 2010 marked the one year anniversary of my mom's passing. I was an emotional wreck most of the day but I made it through. I am very thankful for the time we had together. She is my inspiration to do well in life. I love and miss her very much.
I am feeling much better today. I was thinking I would get a + OPK this morning but I did not. I will test again this evening. It is my hope to get a + tomorrow or Saturday. Ovulation is predicted for Saturday but I wouldn't be surprised if it was delayed by stress and emotions from yesterday. Dr. R said they would do the IUI on the weekend as well.
Well, that just about sums it up. I will update as soon as I know when the IUI is scheduled!
Friday, we met with Dr. Rushing to talk about our options. He suspects that Clomid is helping me ovulate but hurting the 'environment' per se. Meaning, the sperm can't get through my cervix. He suggested we move on to IUI. Matt and I figured this was our next step, so it came to no real surprise. Thankfully, I was at the beginning of a new cycle so we don't have to wait. As soon as I get a + OPK I call the office and we will go in for the IUI that day or the next. Exciting!!!
Yesterday was a really tough day for me. February 3, 2010 marked the one year anniversary of my mom's passing. I was an emotional wreck most of the day but I made it through. I am very thankful for the time we had together. She is my inspiration to do well in life. I love and miss her very much.
I am feeling much better today. I was thinking I would get a + OPK this morning but I did not. I will test again this evening. It is my hope to get a + tomorrow or Saturday. Ovulation is predicted for Saturday but I wouldn't be surprised if it was delayed by stress and emotions from yesterday. Dr. R said they would do the IUI on the weekend as well.
Well, that just about sums it up. I will update as soon as I know when the IUI is scheduled!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Next step: SA
The nurse called and we have a plan. Matt will do his SA in the next day or so. If Matt is good to go we will have a chat with the OB for the next step. If he has issues he will go to the Urologist and while we are waiting for things to clear up continue to try.
The nurse felt there is more my OB can do at this point. She isn't referring me to the RE just yet. She thinks my OB will want to try IUI if Matt checks out ok. I guess we'll just have to wait and see...
The nurse felt there is more my OB can do at this point. She isn't referring me to the RE just yet. She thinks my OB will want to try IUI if Matt checks out ok. I guess we'll just have to wait and see...
On to Cycle 11.....
So AF came yesterday. I have nasty words for her but I'll save them for another time. I had been spotting for the past few days and it gradually got heavier until she came Sunday morning. As much as I was expecting it, it still hurts. A lot actually. But today is better. I must move forward.
I put in a call to my nurse just like the past 4 months to let her know AF came. I am anxious to hear the plan. It is getting more intense. Matt will go for his SA really soon so we can rule that out. I am asking to be referred to the RE for further testing/Lap. My OB has done all he can do.
It's that time....
I put in a call to my nurse just like the past 4 months to let her know AF came. I am anxious to hear the plan. It is getting more intense. Matt will go for his SA really soon so we can rule that out. I am asking to be referred to the RE for further testing/Lap. My OB has done all he can do.
It's that time....
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Finding My Happy Place
Where to start...
I am happily married with two beautiful daughters. I am very thankful for all that my life has been blessed with. I should be smack dag in the middle of my happy place....but I am not...yet.
Matt and I have decided we want to expand our family once more. He has Taylor who is 11 and together we have Lyla who is 2. I have always thought I would have 2 children and that I do now but I have a yearning to birth one more child. I cannot explain it. It is what it is.
Once we decided we did want one more child I had my IUD removed in April 2009 after having it for 18 mos. My doctor had me convinced that I would be fertile immediately. Ha! More on that later...I began charting as I did when we TTC the first time. I had high hopes it wouldn't take us but a few months at the most because that's how it happened with Lyla. Duh! (insert hair flip)
The first few months of charting and timing intercourse were fine. Although I soon began to realize it wasn't going to happen as easily as it had with Lyla. By Cycle 4 I had stressed myself out to the point that I decided to take a break from charting and relax a little. Well, once you understand that much about how your body works it is incredibly hard to just relax. Lol.
I decided after a 2 cycle break I needed to chart again for my sanity. I had thought I would become more sane not charting but it was only the opposite.
Lovely Cycle #7....oh how I loathe the.....this chart was UGLY. Temps all over the place. No real thermal shift. Up then down and up again. I seriously thought I had lost it at that point. I had a nagging feeling after the first few cycles that something wasn't right. I fought it for a while but after I came to the realization that I didn't ovulate in cycle 7 I decided it was time to give the OB a call. I was past due for a pap anyway.
I went in for my pap, charts in hand, to figure out what was happening with my body. I explained my concerns: 1) Wacky cycle 7 2) Recurrent spotting and short luteal phase (10-11 days) 3) Path forward - testing, etc. He explained that he suspected I had low progesterone so he sent me for CD21 testing. Further explained that if my P4 was fine we would do an HSG and then a SA for Matt.
CD21 rolls around and I get a call from the nurse that my progesterone level was 4.1. Lovely....I didn't ovulate. Now I understand why my chart was so whacked out. So they immediately put me on 50mg of Clomid to get me Oing telling me that a lot of women get pregnant on their first round. Pressure much???
Cycle 8 went perfectly as planned....almost. I Oed like I was supposed to and my P4 tripled from 4.1 to 15.5! I was on cloud 9. Maybe, just maybe I would be 'that' woman who gets pregnant on the first round. Fingers, toes, legs, everything was crossed! And then.......I began to spot. Spotting has never been a good sign for me. Some how I talked myself into every symptom being a pregnancy symptom. I refused to believe they could be AF symptoms too. Alas, I was not 'that' woman and AF came....I am thankful for ovulating and my LP was longer but still no baby. It hurt.
Fast forward to Cycle #10. (#9 had been identical as above with a P4 level of 30.7. BFN) I talked my nurse into an HSG if I wasn't pregnant after the 2nd round of clomid because (her words) SURELY I would be pregnant THIS time. Surely...she was incorrect again. I was quickly learning I would never again be 'that' woman to get pregnant the easy way. I had my turn with Lyla and it was someone else's now. I had to accept that.
I went in for my HSG very nervous because of the stories I had heard prior about the pain and cramping. I just knew though that this would be the answer to our problems. One or both of my tubs HAD to be blocked. This would fix it and we would go on our merry little way to having a baby. Not so...my tubes were all clear and the procedure was a piece of cake. I barely cramped at all. I did have to wait almost 3 hours for a 5 mins procedure but that's another story. Great news that my tubes weren't blocked but I still didn't have any answers. As glad I was to not have an problem I was frustrated at the same time.
We are now coming to a close of Cycle #10. I will know soon enough if I was pregnant or not. I am betting on not. Would I be 'that' woman I had heard many stories of getting pregnant the same cycle as HSG??? I'm not holding my breath...I have began to spot again and only time will tell what that means as I play dumb to numb my emotions.
I was told that if I am not pregnant this cycle I can switch over to the RE. I am not looking forward to that. I don't want to have to look infertility in the face. It's a mean mean thing. The plan will be for Matt to go for his SA. If his levels are good I will go in for a laproscopy. If I check out, I have no clue what it next. But then again that plan is up to the RE.
Matt and I have agreed that if it comes to having to shell out thousands and thousands of dollars to get pregnant then we won't.....sigh...that will be our ending point. We will never stop trying but it will resume on our own without medical assistance. That is hard to think about.
I struggle with where we are today and where we might have to go to get what we want. Will we ever get what we want? That is what this blog is supposed to help me with. I hope through this I can 'Find My Happy Place'. Whether it be with a newborn baby in my arms or with just my 2 beautiful girls. I don't know yet. I am not ready to give up trying....but...I do know that whatever happens I WILL end up finding my 'Happy Place'.
I have so much to be thankful for already.
I am happily married with two beautiful daughters. I am very thankful for all that my life has been blessed with. I should be smack dag in the middle of my happy place....but I am not...yet.
Matt and I have decided we want to expand our family once more. He has Taylor who is 11 and together we have Lyla who is 2. I have always thought I would have 2 children and that I do now but I have a yearning to birth one more child. I cannot explain it. It is what it is.
Once we decided we did want one more child I had my IUD removed in April 2009 after having it for 18 mos. My doctor had me convinced that I would be fertile immediately. Ha! More on that later...I began charting as I did when we TTC the first time. I had high hopes it wouldn't take us but a few months at the most because that's how it happened with Lyla. Duh! (insert hair flip)
The first few months of charting and timing intercourse were fine. Although I soon began to realize it wasn't going to happen as easily as it had with Lyla. By Cycle 4 I had stressed myself out to the point that I decided to take a break from charting and relax a little. Well, once you understand that much about how your body works it is incredibly hard to just relax. Lol.
I decided after a 2 cycle break I needed to chart again for my sanity. I had thought I would become more sane not charting but it was only the opposite.
Lovely Cycle #7....oh how I loathe the.....this chart was UGLY. Temps all over the place. No real thermal shift. Up then down and up again. I seriously thought I had lost it at that point. I had a nagging feeling after the first few cycles that something wasn't right. I fought it for a while but after I came to the realization that I didn't ovulate in cycle 7 I decided it was time to give the OB a call. I was past due for a pap anyway.
I went in for my pap, charts in hand, to figure out what was happening with my body. I explained my concerns: 1) Wacky cycle 7 2) Recurrent spotting and short luteal phase (10-11 days) 3) Path forward - testing, etc. He explained that he suspected I had low progesterone so he sent me for CD21 testing. Further explained that if my P4 was fine we would do an HSG and then a SA for Matt.
CD21 rolls around and I get a call from the nurse that my progesterone level was 4.1. Lovely....I didn't ovulate. Now I understand why my chart was so whacked out. So they immediately put me on 50mg of Clomid to get me Oing telling me that a lot of women get pregnant on their first round. Pressure much???
Cycle 8 went perfectly as planned....almost. I Oed like I was supposed to and my P4 tripled from 4.1 to 15.5! I was on cloud 9. Maybe, just maybe I would be 'that' woman who gets pregnant on the first round. Fingers, toes, legs, everything was crossed! And then.......I began to spot. Spotting has never been a good sign for me. Some how I talked myself into every symptom being a pregnancy symptom. I refused to believe they could be AF symptoms too. Alas, I was not 'that' woman and AF came....I am thankful for ovulating and my LP was longer but still no baby. It hurt.
Fast forward to Cycle #10. (#9 had been identical as above with a P4 level of 30.7. BFN) I talked my nurse into an HSG if I wasn't pregnant after the 2nd round of clomid because (her words) SURELY I would be pregnant THIS time. Surely...she was incorrect again. I was quickly learning I would never again be 'that' woman to get pregnant the easy way. I had my turn with Lyla and it was someone else's now. I had to accept that.
I went in for my HSG very nervous because of the stories I had heard prior about the pain and cramping. I just knew though that this would be the answer to our problems. One or both of my tubs HAD to be blocked. This would fix it and we would go on our merry little way to having a baby. Not so...my tubes were all clear and the procedure was a piece of cake. I barely cramped at all. I did have to wait almost 3 hours for a 5 mins procedure but that's another story. Great news that my tubes weren't blocked but I still didn't have any answers. As glad I was to not have an problem I was frustrated at the same time.
We are now coming to a close of Cycle #10. I will know soon enough if I was pregnant or not. I am betting on not. Would I be 'that' woman I had heard many stories of getting pregnant the same cycle as HSG??? I'm not holding my breath...I have began to spot again and only time will tell what that means as I play dumb to numb my emotions.
I was told that if I am not pregnant this cycle I can switch over to the RE. I am not looking forward to that. I don't want to have to look infertility in the face. It's a mean mean thing. The plan will be for Matt to go for his SA. If his levels are good I will go in for a laproscopy. If I check out, I have no clue what it next. But then again that plan is up to the RE.
Matt and I have agreed that if it comes to having to shell out thousands and thousands of dollars to get pregnant then we won't.....sigh...that will be our ending point. We will never stop trying but it will resume on our own without medical assistance. That is hard to think about.
I struggle with where we are today and where we might have to go to get what we want. Will we ever get what we want? That is what this blog is supposed to help me with. I hope through this I can 'Find My Happy Place'. Whether it be with a newborn baby in my arms or with just my 2 beautiful girls. I don't know yet. I am not ready to give up trying....but...I do know that whatever happens I WILL end up finding my 'Happy Place'.
I have so much to be thankful for already.
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